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Grencia Mars Elijah Guo Eckener ([info]jazzchagren) wrote,
@ 2007-10-21 19:00:00

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The kindness of strangers
“That was lovely, young man.”

Gren turned around as he pulled the mouth piece out of the neck of his sax. One of the tourists, an elderly woman dressed entirely in pink and white checks, was standing behind him and smiling in that kind way that always made him ache a little. “Thank you,” he said. He wasn't sure what else to say. Most of the guests at the hotel just took his presence for granted.

“No, it's been a long time since I've heard someone play blues like that. Reminds me of my childhood.” Her voice shook slightly and he turned to face her. He didn't know what he planned to do if she became overly emotional, but sometimes just being in the vicinity helped.

“I can play something else, if you like.” And he could, he'd been practicing during his time in Margate, but the owners of the hotel wanted to maintain a more 'cultured' atmosphere, so he was told not to play anything too upbeat or new sounding. When he heard that he'd had to turn his head and cough away a small laugh. If only they knew how new his music really was.

She smiled and reached her hand into her bag, also pink. “Perhaps another time dear. Here, for you.” She pulled out a ₤10 note and held it out to him.

“Oh, no ma'am, I couldn't. I appreciate it, but just knowing that you liked it was enough.”

She waved it at him and smiled even wider. “Oh come now dear. Look how thin you are. And you need a haircut. It's the least I can do.”

Gren smiled and held out his hand. He couldn't argue with that. She placed the note in it and held onto his fingers for a moment before letting go. “Well, good luck young man.” She turned and hurried for the doorway to the lobby.

He stared down at it for a moment, then shoved it into his pocket. He hadn't ever been told he couldn't take tips, after all. Turning back to the stool his case was propped on he placed the body of the sax in it and then started to fiddle with the mouthpiece so he could remove the reed. He let his lips curve into a small grin, and hoped that she was appreciated and loved by someone, wished her happiness.

Closing the case he checked his watch. It was a little late to show up at the cafe for whatever social night was on, but perhaps some of the people he knew would soon be leaving. It felt like it had been ages since he'd been able to talk to someone who wasn't a guest at the hotel.


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[info]alexkrycek
2007-10-22 07:30 am UTC (link)
Krycek was strolling down the street, Dog in tow, another evening out and about. It seemed all that he could do in this place was take walks to get away from things. He idly contemplated a spot of target practice again in the woods. It wouldn't do to get rusty now, not with the situation with Mulder as it was.

Dog's run off to play somewhere. He left him off the leash more often than not. Had the police stop him twice for it, too. He waits, looks for the black dog that's scampered off across the street, down the beach and towards the waves.

He chanced a look around. This was where the money was in Margate. There might have been a speculative expression on his face.

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-10-22 11:53 am UTC (link)
Gren carries the sax up to his room. He places it on the bed and looks around. There's a book on his nightstand that wants to be finished, but he's beginning to feel secloistered. He needs to go and at least take another walk. At least to clear his head and think of something else to do. He feels as if he's stagnating, which is the last thing he wants in this new place.

He ambles down the staircase, avoiding conversation with anyone who looks at him, and ducks out onto the porch. Lighting a cigarette, he tromps down the wooden steps, feeling a bit more jaunty than he should. The night air and the familiar feeling of smoke in his lungs rejuvenating him.

Some ways down the street there's a vaguely familiar outline. He feels like he's met the man before, but it was most likely during that flurry of meetings at the beginning and he just can't place his name. He pushes one hand down in his pocket and starts his walk off in that direction.

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-10-22 12:03 pm UTC (link)
'He feels like he's met the man before': cue the X-Files theme music. Spooooky. ;)

Krycek pushes his hand into his pocket. Dog's leash dangles from the pocket now. He chances a look around for the uniformed ones, then just shrugs. Winter was coming, and the British seaside was not Florida, apparently.

"Hey Dog!" He is not entirely certain that his yell carries over the sound of cars that are passing a few feet away and then still down the beach. Passers-by are giving him looks, he returns them as a glare that shuts them up and makes them move on. No-one wants to fuck with the guy who, for all the time that's passed, still looks like he's been in a fight and would not hesitate to start one again, too.

Dog finally decides to slowly scamper back towards him. He watches him, breathing a small sigh of relief as the dog has brains enough to not run into a car.

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-10-22 12:16 pm UTC (link)
*snicker* So long as Krycek doesn't beam him up and pull out his appendix or something. :p


A slow smile forms on his face as the dog darts back across the street and around the knees of the man. He looks surly, and a bit bruised. It's not the worst Gren's seen, considering his time on Callisto. He's probably more like any person Gren is used to meeting than all the other people in this quiet town. He exhales a small cloud of smoke and comes to a stop some 10 feet away.

Do you mind if I pet him?

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-10-22 12:38 pm UTC (link)
He grudgingly pulls his hand out of his pocket, drops the leash on ground and runs his fingers over Dog's head, then down his neck, and along the back as the dog presses close to him.

He looks up at the voice, straightens. He recognizes the man. "Go ahead." He pauses and watches Dog toddle over to him.

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-10-22 01:12 pm UTC (link)
He closes the space between them and places the cigarette back in his mouth so his hands are free. Dropping down to one knee he scratches the dog behind it's ears with both hands and then pets down it's sides.

What a good boy, he says, which he feels silly for shortly after. But he figures it's impossible to talk to an animal and not look a little silly anyway.

He looks up as he continues to scratch the dog.
I'm sorry, he says around the cigarette, some ash dropping to the sidewalk. I feel like I've met you before, but I can't place you're name. You'll forgive me? I'm Gren.

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-10-22 01:20 pm UTC (link)
Krycek smirks at the irresistibility of Dog, and watches as the man pets him, hands moving over the fur.

He nods. As if on cue he too fishes for his pack of cigarettes, the ways of addiction, apparently, and fumbles one out, pushes it between his lips, then lights it, draws smoke. "We met. Name's Krycek. We've been talking at the bar." About wars and drugs and addictions and love. He does not mention that, only gives a bitter smile at the memory. "Haven't seen you around in a while."

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-10-22 01:30 pm UTC (link)
Ah, he says. That would make sense then. Things get hazy when he drinks sometimes, and surely then, when he was trying to separate what was from what is. He hopes he didn't say anything too embarassing.

I've been busy. He looks down at the dog, happily wagging it's tail, but bored with the attention all the same, alert ears pointed elsewhere. He stands up and pulls the cigarette from his mouth, exhaling, so he can speak more freely. Well, not very busy. Trying to find something to do. Haven't gotten around like I was when I first got here.

He looks down at the dog, pacing on the sidewalk and looking as if it might run away again. What's his name?

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-10-22 01:58 pm UTC (link)
"Yeah." He studies Gren, shrugs. He doesn't really remember much of the conversation.

"Found something then?" He takes a step back as Gren straightens, if only to re-establish the respective personal space. He leaves his cigarette in his mouth as he reaches down to scratch under Dog's chin and have his hand slobered over, then watches him sniff some tree and look expectantly at the street.

He chuckles, exhales the smoke. "It's Dog. Didn't have the heart to name him anything else."

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-10-22 02:05 pm UTC (link)
He gives a small chuckle and follows the dog with his eyes. The heart? Names damning things?

He looks back at Krycek and, mirroring his shrug from earlier, he points back at the building over his shoulder with the thumb of his free hand. Been playing sax for the guests lately. I'd kind of like to do something else full time though. There's a point where your passion becomes a chore. You found anything to do with yourself?

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-10-23 01:14 pm UTC (link)
He shrugs and returns the grin. "That, yeah. And, you know, no-one likes to be called names." He rolls his eyes. "Even if one of my flatmates insists on calling him 'Buster'."

He looks at the hotel brimming with rich people. "Don't you make enough there? Kind of looks like the type of people vacationing there who'd have a couple loose pounds on them." He looks off towards the water, then back at Gren. "I'm not starving yet, but no, nothing permanent so far that makes money."

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-10-23 10:02 pm UTC (link)
A small smile, because he's spent long amounts of time without anyone who knew his name around to call it. I don't know. I'd rather be called something than 'hey you'. I can't say Buster is among them though.

I make enough, I guess. He shoves his free hand back in his pocket. Free room and board, and a little extra for expenses. It's weird living in a place like that though. It's hard to call it home with so many people around all the time. I'm just not used to so much attention.

He let's his attention wander after Dog for a moment as he takes a drag, before exhaling and turning back to Krycek. Not starving is always a plus. And money is more trouble than it's worth a lot of the time, from what I can tell. Though, as I say that, it doesn't stop me from taking tips from old ladies who think I'm close to starving myself.



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[info]alexkrycek
2007-10-27 10:47 am UTC (link)
He shakes his head. "He doesn't seem to mind." Then he flashes a quick smile. "Better than being called 'bastard' or some such, isn't it." He entertains the thought of Dog being called a proper name like Bobby for a few moments, then shakes his head, grinning slightly.

"Not bad then. If it pays for the food and everything. Think a few others here have cut worse deals." The jury's still out on what kind of deal he's cut for himself. "You could always find a place for yourself, or move in with someone if you mind the hotel."

He laughs. "I'm not planning to get rich here. Just enough to survive would suit me just fine." He smokes, then calls Dog back from the street and ruffles his fur. "Taking tips from ladies is hardly whoring yourself, so I don't think you have anything to worry about there. And if they didn't give it to you someone else would get - so take it and shut up, I'd say."

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-10-29 03:51 am UTC (link)
He tilts his head a little in amused thought. I suppose so, though I doubt he'd register the difference if you said it nicely enough most of the time.

I could. And I'm sure I could find something else to do if I really wanted to. I think it's just the idea of uprooting myself again now that I've gotten settled in. Not that that ever killed anyone. He thinks back on Callisto for a moment. Not much anyway.

Nodding. Ah yes, very wise advice indeed. Though I'd hope I'd get more if I were to whore myself. He has the urge to stick out his tongue, but he settles for a lopsided grin. He drops the cigarette on the sidewalk and grounds it with the toe of his shoe. Are you headed anywhere in particular? I was just going to wander about for a bit.

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-11-01 09:09 am UTC (link)
He chuckles. "So I have been told, yes." He watches Dog bound off along the sidewalk, prancing and begging for touches from strangers.

A shake of his head and a smile. "I see what you mean. It seems I'm permanently crashing on the couch of friends at the moment," Yet it is Ianto, and it is the bed, most of the time, "you are doing what you have always loved doing, playing sax? I think I am out of luck there with my job description." A smirk that turns into a softer grin.

A laugh then, and a nod. "I'm not sure how Margate's locals feel about whores, though, I'm afraid. Could be it's a bit frowned upon here." He grins and sucks the last of the smoke out of cigarette. "Nowhere in particular, along the beach maybe so Dog can have his running around and swim and not bother other people."

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-11-01 08:34 pm UTC (link)
With a slight chuckle. There's a place for everyone, I'm sure. What exactly is it you do again? I'm sorry. I was rather...off last time.

Yes, I imagine it is, if it's anything like my own time. I'm not so far removed from here, I don't think. He can't help but grin for a moment, remembering Julian and the other men on Callisto who made their living dressed as women and fucking like men. Ironic that the one thing he tried to keep so desperately hidden from people would have made him more money there than his sax did.

This might be a bit rude, but do you mind if I come? Walking alone gets boring.

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-11-01 10:11 pm UTC (link)
He laughs at this, almost honestly amused. "Did. What I did. They hired me for the dirty work, whatever dirty work." A quirked smile, this one dark and shaded, implying everything else. He nods, "We both were, I think."

"If it includes being frowned up and spit on and all that, then yes." He wonders if really it would be a job for him to perform. He'd only need to start taking money from all the people he fucked and he could make a living, even.

He shrugs. "Feel free." He does not particularly care either way, but it gives him some company other than Dog for a change.

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-11-03 04:06 pm UTC (link)
Ah, that'll happen. Dirty work, eh? He raises an eyebrow in mock suspicion. Were you an assassin, Krycek? I'm sure there's dirty work to be done around here, you probably just have to know who to ask.

He frowns slightly. I don't recall anyone of them being spit on, but then, I didn't spend much time with the ilk. Frowned upon most certainly. And ostracized in some places. But there were other places where the nights were long and they were welcome. It was much a matter of location.

Great, thanks. He shoves both his hands into his pockets and falls into step beside Krycek as he follows after Dog.

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-11-03 04:12 pm UTC (link)
He arches an eyebrow at Gren, chuckles. "I'm not sure, we might have talked about it before." He stares off towards the waves, a lonely surfer crashing off his board far out on the sea. "I was, yeah. Among other things. You take the money and learn to not ask questions." He shrugs, quirking a smile. "That's what I'm thinking." The conversation with Cesare comes to mind and he smiles.

He nods. "Spit on." He doesn't mentioned that he's once done the spitting himself, after the fuck. He gives a slow sort of a smile and looks at Gren. "You made use of them, then, no woman to return to that would hit you over the head with a pan or some such?" He thinks of Russia, and how welcome any kind of whore was to those in power.

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-11-03 05:01 pm UTC (link)
He nods. Personal work like that was probably a lot different than being in the army, but it seemed to come down to the same thing in the end. Yes, I think maybe we did. He seems to mull something over for a moment. It's been a long time, but he needed some other type of catharsis than he was presently getting. You don't know...you don't know where there might be a shooting range or something around here would you? I haven't seen anything like that, but it doesn't really seem like a place where they'd have them.

He gives a small snort at the idea of any woman in his home who wasn't his mother, let alone one wielding a cooking implement. It turns into a sly grin. I may have, once or twice when I was in the military. Women aren't really my type though, so it wasn't something I did often. Then there were the whores on Callisto, who were interesting, to say the least. Luckily, 'musician' seems to be a magic word so I didn't need to use any of them. Good fun to drink with though.

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-11-03 05:12 pm UTC (link)
He glances at him sharply and studies him in profile. Something like a smile slides on to his face after a bit, but the calculating edge does not leave it. "Do you have a gun here?" That he answers the question with one of his own is owed to curiousity, nothing more. He shrugs. "What makes you think I am the guy to ask?"

The grin makes him arch his eyebrows. "Enjoy a cock more than pussy, do you." He chuckles. "Interesting whores? Not for the conversation, I assume." He shakes his head, amused. "Ah, the men I knew would have gone for 'soldier' rather than 'musician', the uniforms and all."

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-11-03 09:03 pm UTC (link)
Here? No, I don't think so. I had one during the last encounter before I ended up here, but I think I lost it before I made it back to the ship. He made a mental note to go back to the ship and inspect it more closely for things he could have missed that should be taken out of it. It wouldn't due for a child to find something like that. Or, Heaven forbid, any of the drugs left over from the deal that was the fake reason for the meeting in the first place. At the idea that there might be drugs from his time his heart quickens a litte and he gives a small but sharp intake of breath. But no, he was past that. Better to dump them. That's why I was wondering if there was a range. They usually have them to borrow while you're there. He shrugged. No reason really. I just hadn't thought of it in converstation with anyone else.

Gren gives a chuckle, slightly relieved by the crassness of the comment. He had grown used to the soldiers, and then the fugitives on Callisto. All this politeness was beginning to grate on him, just a little bit. You could say that, yes. Is that a big deal here? He chewed on his lip for a moment. Well, they weren't bad at conversation. They'd had interesting lives, but then, there was hardly a person on Callisto with a boring story. They lived on a bit of a cusp though. Dressed as women, sold themselves out to men as women, but of course, there were no women on Callisto. It was an accepted fact and one that no one ever mentioned in a transaction like that.

He gives a lopsided smile. Yeah, I always preferred soldiers myself.

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-11-03 09:29 pm UTC (link)
He shrugs, watches the play of features on Gren's face. "There isn't, as far as I know. And even if there was, they'd want to see some license here, I suspect, before they let you near any of the guns." He falls silent for the next few steps, watches Dog dive in and out of the water. He contemplates Gren, looks him over. He does not trust anyone with his guns, ordinarily. He swallows hard, teeth clenched, then, under his breath, "I've been using some woods two or three miles outside Margate." He does not offer more than that, wary now, watching Gren for a reaction.

He chuckles. "Men fucking men? I doubt it." He gives a laugh as he thinks of all those he fucked in Margate. "Outside Margate it's not the way to go everywhere, nothing like on Callisto I'd say, but people mind their own business." He grins. "Why dress up as women when you fuck as men, an ass feels nothing like a pussy after all." He shakes his head, amused by that.

He returns the lopsided grin, looks Gren over. "Did you get them?"

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-11-03 10:49 pm UTC (link)
Oh, good point. Can't very well just come in off the street and say 'No, really, I'm not crazy and I do know how to use it'. I wonder how hard it would be to get an ID for around here. It's good you've found a place though.

The grin turns into a smile. People? Mind their own business. I don't know that I've run across many like that. But I imagine there is so much here that's out of the norm lately that it wouldn't even blip the radar. So you're saying I shouldn't go trolling in the suburbs? He's joking, and grins at Krycek with a quick show of teeth before letting his face relax back to simple amusement. You're right, it doesn't, but it made some of the customers feel better about it, I guess. People can convince themselves that strange things are ok under pressing circumstances. I mean, if they weren't ok with them before.

His step falters just a bit as white hair and a blade sharp smile flash in his mind, but his facial expression doesn't change. Yes. Well, I was very close with a large amount of them for a while. Statistically I couldn't have been the only gay one, and I wasn't.

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-11-03 11:16 pm UTC (link)
"Too hard to bother if you have no proper records." He shakes his hand, off-handedly then. "Feel free to come along to the woods." He hesitates. "I do have a spare gun..." He trails off, shrugs. "As long as you don't mind the illegality of it." He smirks, eyebrows arched.

"Wouldn't blip the radars of most people." He chuckles. "There are a few who may be offended but I doubt you'd stop to ask them for approval anyway." He chuckles. "Maybe so."

The falter in his steps catches Krycek's eye. "Did they think of you as more than just a hole to fill when they got lonely?" He glances at Gren. He was pretty enough to catch some stray soldier's eye for a fuck or two, a rolling in the mud, torn clothes and skin.

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-11-03 11:32 pm UTC (link)
Hmm...I don't suppose they'd take a birth certificate from 2047. Not that I have it with me. He considers the woods. It certainly couldn't hurt. No, illegality isn't really a problem. What are they going to do? Put me in prison? I've escaped from one before, these can't be much harder to get out of. He says it lightly, but it belies a melancholy he's been trying to push off for a week.

No. I wouldn't really stop to ask for anyone's approval. Sounds like a good way to never get anything done if you ask me.

Well that's a question you don't hear every day. His lip dips a bit as he thinks, but he still holds a soft smile. A few of them were good friends, others were just diversions. It goes both ways after all. There are those I never viewed as more than a round peg. There was one in particular, but he wasn't gay and he didn't feel the same way as I did, so it was interesting.

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-11-05 11:18 am UTC (link)
He chuckles. "No, I don't suppose they do." It rankles still that he had to put his information down with Dahlia. It makes him look over his shoulder again. He studies Gren. "This might not be the kind of prisons you are used to." It doesn't mean they are better or worse, just different. "Doubt though they'd put you there just for firing a gun." - owning it, that was another question, even if he had his papers to show for the most part.

He shrugs, then chuckles at the 'round peg' remark. "I guess it does. It worked out though, inserting the fucking with the friends?" He has never seen that work. "So that one guy, you fucked but he wanted more?"

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-11-06 03:40 am UTC (link)
He shrugs. I imgine they're not. I would hope they'd changed some in sixt-five years. Granted, it might not be the same sixty-five years. Which honestly, is an idea that kind of frightens me.

It did, sometimes. He raises an eyebrow. It had been some time since his habits had been a conversational topic. I mean, men are men, more or less, no matter where they are. He walks next to Krycek quietly for a few moments before speaking again. Hmm...you could say that. He tried to kill me twice. He probably succeeded that last time, if this is some sort of afterlife. But he didn't 'want more' in the way in which I wanted to be allowed to respect him and look up to him AND sleep with him. Not that I needed monogamy or anything. But he just wanted to sleep with me and use me for whatever game he had running at the time. I still haven't figured out why he would have bugged that music box. He gave that to me before we ever started fucking.

He rubs his left elbow with his right hand a bit awkwardly, not meaning to have been so candid. He settles for lighting another cigarette to give him something to do with his hands. Guess it was planned from the start. Things are like that sometimes. More going on under the surface than you can comprehend at first.

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-11-07 09:43 pm UTC (link)
He shrugs, watching Dog jump headfirst into the ocean. "Someone suggested that to me - that even those from the future are only from one kind of future, not the future. It's an interesting thought."

"You wanted a relationship and he wanted you dead after the fuck? That sums it up?" He shakes his head, and lights a cigarette for himself, sucking the smoke out of it with quiet intent. "The music box?" Krycek looks at him quizzically. "And how did he bug it?"

He snorts, bitter amusment. "There is usually more going on under surfaces than you'd care to know."

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-11-13 01:00 am UTC (link)
Amused, and a little wary. It would be a very interesting thought, if I had the luxury of thinking it from the relative safety of my rooms on Callisto.

Gren glosses over the comment, not wanting to acknowledge it. It's something he's spent years thinking of and never really settled. The music box. Julia had given it to him, and I liked the tune so he let me have it to bring back, so I could play the melody on my sax. Strange, lilting tune. It was a small metal thing, barely more than a metal box with a handle on the side. He'd stuffed a transmitor in it. I don't think he cared enough about me to follow where I was going, but he must have known that she would run across it somehow. It's how I knew her the first time she came into the bar on Callisto. She used to sit on the corner stool and ask me to play that same tune.

He clams up for a bit, aware that he's rambling. He rambles too often lately, and he must be boring half of Margate. Nodding in response to Krycek's statement he rolls the cigarette over his lips some and thinks.

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-11-13 11:17 am UTC (link)
He kicks at the a stone. Dog dives after it and fetches it with wagging tail. "You don't have the luxury." His tone is hard, unyielding. "And you don't have the choice. Best arrange yourself with the thought."

"Who is Julia?" He doesn't remember Gren having mentioned a girl before, now or in their drunken bar commiseration. "And what does she have to do with him and you? Someone he truly wanted and still only used you for the fuck?" The story is too convoluted to follow off-hand and Gren's explanations are like shriveled figs in the sun, all life squeezed out, only the barest remnants remaining.

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-11-13 04:47 pm UTC (link)
He leans away from Krycek, almost imperceptibly. It's a tone he's heard before, had become used to, and then become used to living without. Unforgiving and matter of fact had never been things he'd been good at holding on to. He much preferred to live with his melodies.

Julia. It's a sigh, the undulations working their way through his voice like small waves lapping at a lake shore. Julia was Vicious'. Before the war she ran away from him, he frightened her just as much as he does everyone else, which is a feat. She's a strong woman. She ran off with a man named Spike, who was Vicious' best friend and brother, at one time. A small pause and then a short laugh. Probably why he no longer needed comrades.

It wasn't until much later that I heard her side of the story, when she ran into me on Callisto. It's quite a tale, all guns and blood and Spike, the man with different colored eyes. She ended up not seeing Spike again, after she ran away, afraid that if she was close to him Vicious would kill both of them. And I wouldn't put it past him. I saw Spike, before I ended up here. He's trying to find her too. I hope they manage it. Everyone deserves to have the one thing they need. Don't you think?

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-12-07 07:55 pm UTC (link)
Krycek arches an eyebrow at Gren as he increases the distance between them. He gives an amused snort, and a shake of his head. "How did you survive without facing the truth, eh?"

"It sounds like a lovely square, can't say triangle, can I, relationship. A wants B who wants C who is wanted from D and wants A, something like that." He admittedly has little patience for girl-tales of love and loss and love again, but he's attempting a bit of tolerance as he straightens the threads Gren brings up in his mind. "She ran away and then he had you." The derisive 'what a good little whore' is mouthed, rather than said out loud, but even so Gren might have heard.

He shrugs. "You'd have to know what you need first before you can work on deserving it. And, clichéd as it sounds, you rarely want the thing you need." He's thinking of Mulder, ever so briefly, and then shakes his head. "What do you need, Gren?" He arches an eyebrow at him. "Vicious?"

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-12-10 05:00 am UTC (link)
I am so mad that IJ ate this and won't let me retrieve it from the clip board either. Rar! It won't be as good this time.


How indeed? I think sometimes we survive because we don't face the truth. There are some truths that would rend us apart entirely. He pauses for a moment before offhandedly concluding. My truths probably aren't any of those though.

It sounds so neat and wrapped up when Krycek puts it that way. For something that's become so muddled in his mind it's interesting to hear an outside perspective on it. He catches the word 'whore' even though Krycek is steadily moving away from him. Even though it almost isn't there at all. Shrugging, he watches Dog nip at the stone. Everyone has done things they aren't proud of. Who is he to fight the acknowledgment of his mistakes?

Need him? No. He ambles up next to Krycek and looks over at him. Studying the side of the other man's face he reasons with his own internal conflict. There's a point in everyone's life where they're naive, where they fuck things up. I guess at that point in my life I needed to fuck things up. Now...now I need to assess the damage. A wry smile forms on his lips. And it wouldn't hurt to have some more cigarettes, a strong drink, and a fuck or two either.

He wouldn't have said that last part to most of the people he's spoken to here, but Krycek has proven to be rather crude himself, which is a bit of a relief to Gren. He's not used to niceties. What is it you need then?

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-12-10 09:01 am UTC (link)
The question is on his lips already as Gren reaches his own conclusion, and so Alex merely shrugs. "You'll die if you close your eyes to the bullet though." He's never been one to close his or other's eyes to the truth.

Krycek whistles for Dog to catch up as he's left behind staring at something unmovable. "Need someone else to treat you like shit then?" He speaks into the night, only then turns to look at Gren, eyes hard. He shakes his head as he looks him over. "No damage that can't be undone I'd say, an frankly, you need look for less of a bastard to fuck you next time."

He smiles oddly, pulls out his pack of cigarettes and flings them at Gren's chest. "Have these for a start." He chuckles. "Fucks would never hurt." He looks straight at Gren. "Anyone in Margate you think would provide relief for those needs?"

An offhand shrug and a look out at the ocean provide no answers. "Can't say, really." He kicks at the sand, shrugs.

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-12-10 02:47 pm UTC (link)
You can't? For someone who speaks so absolutely about things, that's surprising. I figured you'd have everything about yourself figured out as well as you have everyone else figured out.

If you close your eyes to the bullet, or the blade. But he knew from experience that closing your eyes was easier than knowing. Easier than watching the steel tip dance across your skin and wondering where it was going to cut next.

I wasn't looking for a bastard. Wasn't looking for anyone really. But ultimately it was probably those things that made him such a good leader, someone to look up to, that made him a bad...comrade. He has to hesitate to search for the word. It wasn't friend, as there was never any pretense of that. He had other people to drink with and tell stories to. And it wasn't lover as, for all Vicious' brutality, he hadn't been bad at that. It was that brutality that had probably changed Gren more than he'd like to admit, in instances of both sex and self.

Gren reflexively reaches up and catches the pack of cigarettes before they bounce off his chest onto the ground and holds them away from him. With a lopsided smile he holds them back towards Krycek. I appreciate it, but I can get them on my own, thank you. Just like he could get everything on his own, and needed to seriously consider doing so from now on rather than blowing in the wind the way he had been. And I'm afraid that isn't where my head has been, so I can't answer that question at this moment. He's aware of the double entendre, but chooses to ignore it.

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-12-10 05:32 pm UTC (link)
He shrugs, small smile on his face. "Is it?" He does not elaborate, keeps his eyes on the sand under their feet. They pass the shack he's stayed in some of his first nights in Margate and he gives a small grin.

"But you found him. Or he you." He rubs the back of his hand over his eyes. Who was he to talk of being used by others anyway. "Was the sex good at least, or did he just push you down and take what he wanted?"

He considers Gren, then takes the pack of cigarettes back and pushes them into the backpocket of his jeans. He shrugs. "Your call. I wasn't offering to be the next bastard, you know." He adds that with a dry tone, and a hard smile.

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-12-11 11:50 am UTC (link)
Gren hums softly as if considering something and looks out toward the shore. He hadn't realized how far their little walk had taken him. It was...interesting. Physically satisfying, and very different from anything I've ever encountered in my life. Which is probably good, he admits to himself. He's not likely to find anyone on this planet who reminds him of Vicious.

He watches Krycek unceremoniously return the packet to his pocket and can't help but feel he's rejected him in some way. Getting used to people again was going to take some effort. I wasn't asking you to. It's soft. He's not even sure Krycek heard him.

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-12-12 10:46 pm UTC (link)
The cold night waves are lapping at the sand, bringing with them a stiff wind from the open sea. He huddles more into his jacket. "Interesting leaves room for improvement, or was it that incomparable?" He glances at Gren. "Was he your first?"

He shrugs, looks out towards the waves. Gren's words are carried away from him by the wind, but he catches the last slivers. "I didn't think you were. Just wanted to state that up front." He stuffs the pack deeper into the pocket of his jeans.

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-12-13 01:21 am UTC (link)
Incomparable might be the word. Not that it carries an entirely positive connotation. He watches Krycek huddle into his jacket and wishes he'd brought his along. He hadn't been planning to stray so far from the hotel. Best to head back before he came down with something. He takes a step back in the direction they've come and waits to see what Krycek will do. But no, he wasn't my first.

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-12-14 08:54 pm UTC (link)
Krycek raises an eyebrow at Gren, but turns as Gren moves to walk back. He whistles for Dog who comes chasing from the opposite direction and hustles past them into the waves again.

"Sounds to me like your agreement to fuck then, not entirely positive." He shrugs. "Or you'd look better than you are."

He changes the topic entirely. "What about your drugs? Found a way around them?"

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-12-27 03:29 am UTC (link)
Hmm. Gren hums softly, neither in agreement or disagreement. It changed, that's all. Everything does, after a time. And some of it not being what I had thought it would, but that's my own fault, for being naive.

As he sees Krycek turn with him he begins to walk back in the direction he came. No, I haven't. But I haven't really been looking. I imagine they don't have anything like Titan Opal around here, and I'm better off without them. Even if some nights he woke up toshakes and sweats and nightmares so real he could almost feel the blood still oozing from his scar.

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-12-27 11:00 am UTC (link)
He laughs. "So now life will never again find you spreading your ass for just anyway? Pity." He has that small smirk on his face.

"And you get through without any kind of withdrawal?" Dog jumps in and out of the waves at will, bringing sticks to be thrown. "They got heroin or crack - not quite the strength, but it's an alternative."

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[info]jazzchagren
2007-12-27 04:01 pm UTC (link)
Life will find a lot of things, I'm sure, if it's patient. It's darker now, and it's getting even cooler. He pulls his elbows in near his waist and hunches his shoulders slightly. He was going to go out and drink, but the evening might be better spent in bed, burrowed under covers with some scrap paper and a pen.

No, there have been withdrawels. The first several days were hell, honestly, and if I'd known where to find any of those drugs I would have, but now it's only intermittent. And I know I'm better off without them. He gives a silent thanks to whoever might be listening that he was never on Red Eye, which had been worse, from what he could tell watching Vicious.

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[info]alexkrycek
2007-12-30 04:52 pm UTC (link)
"And it'll most certainly find you what you deserve." His voice is dark, and tinged slightly bitter. He had no room to complain. Margate was playing golden prison for him.

He shrugs. "Can't say I ever did any of that shit, so I wouldn't know." It fucked with your mind too much, and was a weakness to be exploited.

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[info]jazzchagren
2008-01-05 09:41 pm UTC (link)
You think so? Gren stops and turns toward Alex, shoving his hands deep into his pockets and fighting off a full body shiver. He can't tell if it's because of the cold or something else, but he'd rather not dwell on it. I would hope the same for everyone. Including you.

I think I'll be off now, though. You've given me some things to think over, ideas to write down, which I thank you for. He bows his head slightly before turning and starting away. He looks back over his shoulder, grin firmly on his face. Good evening, friend. I'll see you some other time. He heads off back towards the inn, lightly humming a new melody.

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[info]alexkrycek
2008-01-05 11:20 pm UTC (link)
"It does, yes. It always does." He shrugs. He doesn't like the thought anymore than Gren does, but it's another truth to face and not run away from. "Doesn't mean one has to like it."

He nods, shrugs and calls for Dog. "Have a good night then." There's doubt in the grin. "Friend?" He chuckles as he walks away.

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